i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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