Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
