And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
