I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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