I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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