...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
