I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I could fuck to npr.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
