So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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