Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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