i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
