Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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