You're completely useless in the revolution.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
