The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
