Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
