I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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