Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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