You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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