I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
