i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He has the fingertips of a God
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