When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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