just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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