i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
