Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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