Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
