just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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