imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
