so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
