do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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