What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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