remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
