He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
