My sheets look like a crime scene.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
