All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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