Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why do cheetos always look like penises
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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