meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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