He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
