Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
