she woke up with a sticky ear
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
