he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
