you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
