What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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