haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
