I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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