i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
