I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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