I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
