i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
