took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
