Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
