so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
