Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
