Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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