Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
