Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
