I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
