i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
