So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
