Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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