I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
