I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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