i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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