You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
