can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
