I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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