Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.

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(760): View more from California

It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.

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(443): View more from Maryland

One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

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(970): View more from Colorado

There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.

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(302): View more from Delaware

my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things

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(707): View more from California

I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.

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