Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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