Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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