I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
